Lost and Found
by lizzle333
Summary: Emil has never had a good life from what he can remember. When his attempt to commit suicide fails, he is sent to a support group for depression. There he feels as if his life has only gotten worse, but it may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The wind whipped my face, cutting my tender skin but I didn't care. I don't care about anything anymore. It's not worth it. Nothings worth it. Everything I do only causes pain and sorrow for not only myself, but others as well. I looked at the many scars that streaked across my arms. Some new, some old. Everything's about to end. The pain. The sorrow. This life. I don't want it anymore. Why was I even born? I wish I wasn't.

I stepped up on the ledge. I looked down four stories to the ground. It was a grassy area. I guess I can die in a soft area, but what does it matter. Nothing matters now. No one loves me. No one wants to be with me. There's nothing left for me. I closed my eyes as leaned forward and let myself fall to my death.

...

I heard beeps everywhere. Machines were causing a slight hum. Am I really dead? I thought heaven would be more peaceful. Maybe I'm in hell. But it would probably be a lot hotter if I were there so where am I?

I opened my eyes. I was in a hospital room. I sat up. My head throbbed but I shook it off. Why was I still living? I thought it was going to be the end. I wanted the end so badly, but maybe not now. I kind of feel relieved to be alive. I have no idea why because I still have nothing, but it's like death was just too much for me so I was spat back into life.

"Look who's finally up." said an unfamiliar voice.

A doctor had entered the room. He is young and bald. He was wearing nice pants and dress shirt that was covered my a white coat.

I just stared at him as he walked across the room and sat down on a spinny chair. I don't want to talk to him right now.

"You're lucky you're alive." he continued.

"I don't want to hear that." I replied.

"Why not?"

Again, I stayed silent. Why does he even care? He doesn't have the worst life possible. There's no way he could understand.

"You're going to stay here for a while." he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"You'll be staying here to receive treatment for your condition."

"What condition?"

"You have a very bad sickness. You have depression. It is curable though."

"So if this gets cured, my pain will go away?"

"Most likely."

Wow, I wouldn't have jumped if I had known that it could all go away.

"Where am I supposed to get this treatment?" I asked.

"If you can stand I can show you." he replied.

I leapt out of bed and stood up. To my surprise I had to hold onto tithe bed to support myself, but I could do it. After a little moving around I could walk normally. The doctor led me down the hall to a door marked 201. He opened the door. The room had one bunk bed, on dresser with two drawers, and a mirror on top of the drawer.

"This is supposed to cure me?" I asked surprised.

"No. You will stay here with one other man while you are getting cured. Room two hundred is where you will meet with everyone and get cured of depression." he replied.

I nodded. So they had put me Aim a support group where I was supposed to share my feelings. Yeah, that's not going to fly. I don't exactly want other people to know about my problems.

I shut the door behind me. I walked over to the dresser and opened the drawer with the tag on it the read "Emil." I pulled out a fresh change of clothes and put them on. I climbed on the top bunk and awaited the arrival of my roommate.

About ten minuets later a guy slightly older than I was walked in. He had blonde hair that was decorated with a cross. His blue eyes showed no emotion. He looked at me but said nothing. Like he was reading my mind. I stared back at him with a straight face.

"I'm Lucas." he said monotonous.

"I'm Emil." I replied.

He sat on the lower bunk.

"Why are you here?" he asked

"Suicide." I replied.

He stood up and scooted up really close to my face. I felt myself turn red as he examined me.

"You don't seem dead." he said.

"I'm not."

"Then your suicide failed."

"I don't need you to tell me that."

"Well I'm kinda happy you didn't die."

"Why?"

"Because then I wouldn't have you as a friend."

"Right." I said suspiciously.

Who the hell just proclaims me his friend after only knowing me for one minuet? I guess he is kinda desperate seeing that he is here. I guess you can say that I am too so I'll be friends with him.

Lucas refused to sit down so I quickly changed the subject and scooted away from him.

"What are you here for." I asked.

"Drugs." he replied as he sat back down on the bed.

We sat in silence. Finally! I'm not going to like having a roommate. I actually have to interact people. I'm going to hate this whole ordeal. Why do I have to talk to people in order to be cured of depression. This sucks.

The door suddenly flew open and a overly happy man bounced in. He had blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. It seemed like he always smiled. Why is he in a support group then? This is for depression, not being overly happy. I decided just to ignore him for now. He'll eventually go away.

"Hey guys! Can I crash here?" he asked.

Lucas and I both stared at him. Is he crazy? This room is for two and I don't want him hanging around.

"I'll take that as a yes!" he exclaimed.

No! Take it as a no! He is so annoying!

"I'm Mathias. I'm the leader of your support group!" he continued.

You're shitting me right? I have to talk to this guy about why I wanted to die? Not going to happen. He wouldn't understand. No one would understand.

"You wouldn't believe it but I once attempted suicide."

Liar. He's way to happy go lucky to have even thought about suicide.

Suddenly Lucas was on the floor inches from Mathias's face, staring him down. The same thing he had done to me. A weird feeling swelled in my chest. I wonder what it is? Maybe it's just this depression thing.

"You two really suck at suicide." Lucas said, getting up and sitting back on his bunk.

Wow. Thanks for the update.

"Well I'm glad I failed. My life is so much better now." Mathias said.

Well maybe it got better for him, but it won't for me. I have nothing but pain. He can't understand even if he was like me.

The door opened and the doctor from before said "Here you are! The remaining two people need to meet you."

Yes! He's going to leave!

"Just tell them to come in here so they can meet everyone." Mathias replied.

"Fine." the doctor said.

No! Not only is this idiot going to stay here longer, I have to socialize with more people. God this sucks!

Two people entered the room. One was extremely tall. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. His face seemed to be molded into a permanent scowl. God, he is fucking scary! The other one was the exact opposite. He was short, blonde, and brown eyed. He had seemed fairly cheery. Why is he even here? Someone happy can't be depressed.

The doctor closed the door and the two sat on the floor.

"Alright! Now that everyone is here let's introduce ourselves and tell everyone where we're from. I'm Mathias and I'm from Denmark." Mathias said.

"I'm Tino and I'm from Finland!" the short person said.

"Berwald and Sweeden" the scary dude muttered.

"I'm Lucas and I'm from Norway."

I groaned. I had to introduce myself.

"Emil. Iceland." I grumbled.

"Why don't you tell us about yourself Emil?" Mathias asked.

I stared at him horrified. He wanted me to talk about myself? Fine.

"I hate you." I said bluntly.

Everyone in the room but Lucas looked thoroughly shocked. I could here Lucas snickering below me. At least someone thinks I'm funny.

"That wasn't very nice." Mathias said, laughing uneasily "What about you Tino?"

"Well my family never was very rich, but we got poorer once my father died. My mom had to start working long hours for little pay. We went hungry many nights. It only got worse when I started drinking." Tino replied.

He's so open. He must not have a problem with this thing.

"Berwald?" Mathias asked.

"I had no parents. I was constantly bullied because of my homosexuality. This is the result."

Berwald pulled up his sleeves and held up his arms. They were covered with scars. I looked down at my arm where the remnant of one of my cutting sessions showed. I quickly covered it with my sleeve and sank back in my bed. I hate this! Everybody here has depressing lives. Huh, I guess that's why they have depression.

"You're up next Lucas." Mathias said.

"My parents abandoned me when I was twelve. They ran away with my neighbors, who left their kid behind. I took care of him until he went missing when he was fourteen. The police tried to find him but couldn't. It was around that time I started LSD. I still have hallucanations een though I've been cut off for several weeks." Lucas said

I was surprised by this for two reasons. One, he said this with no emotion. He didn't sound sad about it at all. He said it like it was a fact being stated in a court room. Two, that sounded similar to what happened to me. I had no siblings, but my parents did leave me in the care of a strange boy. Then I was kidnapped. I managed to escape, but I was one country away from my home. My life went downhill from there.

"Tino, what are some of your interest?" Mathias asked.

Oh my god! He just wants to keep this conversation going on forever! I think I'll take a nap. Mathias has to be crazy to ask me about something again today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It started with a short poke on my cheek. Then shaking. I turned to face the wall, desperately trying to escape back into the perfectness of sleep. However, the shaking grew more vigorous and I could not go back to sleep. I turned to yell at whoever was waking me up, but I ended up rolling off the bed and onto the cold, hard floor. I rolled on my stomach and held my back in pain. Damn, they should really put railings on those top bunks.

Lucas bent down so he was eye level with me. I stared at his sea blue eyes. What does he want? If he woke me up for nothing, I'm going to be pissed.

"That looked like it hurt." Lucas said, retaining his usual, stoic appearance.

He's not even sorry he woke me up.

"No shit." I replied as pulled myself up to my feet, blowing off the outstretched hand Lucas offered me.

I climbed back up on my bed and sat on it cross legged.

"Dinners ready." Lucas said.

So he let me climb back onto my bed only to tell me that I have to get off. What's his problem? Does he hate me? I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Everyone hates me. I just have a problem connecting with people. The only person who I ever thought liked me was that boy who watched me, but he didn't since I was just a nuisance. He didn't even look for me when I was kidnapped.

"Not coming?" Lucas asked, disrupting my thoughts.

"Oh your coming." Mathias said, standing in the door way.

I opened my mouth to argue, but I decided against it. I'm way too tired to argue. I just stumbled out of the bed and staggered to the room we were supposed to hold our meetings in. Apparently it doubles as a dinning room. The wooden chairs were in their usual circle shape, but in the center of them there was a circular table that folded. The wooden furniture stood out against the otherwise completely white room. I ate in silence; ignoring Mathias's constant chattering. Why won't he shut up? When I was done I left for my room leaving everyone in there.

I heard footsteps approaching rapidly. I turned to find myself face to face with Lucas. I began walking again and Lucas followed.

"What do you want?" I asked irritated.

"To go back to the room. We are roommates." he replied.

I groaned and continued walking as Lucas followed me like a dog. When we reached the room, I started to climb up to my bed, but stopped. A sharp pain shot through my spine. I gripped my back and stepped down from the ladder. Lucas noticed.

"Does your back hurt." he asked, showing no sign of concern.

I nodded.

"Lay down on the floor." he said.

I looked at him. Why? I'm pretty sure that dull floor doesn't have magical healing powers.

"Fine. You can stay hurt." he continued coolly as he turned to lay down on his bed.

"No! I'll lay down." I said quickly.

I didn't want to pass up an opportunity to make this pain go away. I laid on my stomach and Lucas knelt over me. I felt him dig the heel of his hand into my back. I winced in pain.

"What the hell are you doing?" I hissed.

"What does it look like. I'm making your muscles stop seizing." he replied.

"So in other words it's a message."

"Yep."

I put my chin on the green carpet and closed my eyes, trying to ignore the pain each movement of Lucas's hands sent coursing through my veins. Shivers rolled down my spine at Lucas's touch. His hands were so cold. Like that boy's. I found it a little unusual that everything about Lucas seemed to mimic the boy. There's no way Lucas could be him though. It's just a coincidence.

I remembered that day. The day my parents left. I woke up all alone. I thought they had just gone to work, so I walked over to the boy's house. He was there and his parents were gone. We spent the day together waiting for our parents to come home. But they never did. After a while it sunk in for both of us. I cried, but the boy just comforted me. His hands holding my head. Hands that were similar to Lucas's. He was all I had until I was kidnapped. Then there was nothing. Life just isn't worth it anymore.

"Emil, are you okay?" Lucas asked.

I was jolted from my thoughts and realized that I was crying. I quickly wiped my face. Shit. I let my guard down. No one is supposed to see me cry or be emotional. It's no ones business.

"I'm fine." I said, steadying my voice.

"You don't look fine." he replied.

He doesn't let up does he. I sat up to try and flee to my bunk, but I was pushed back on the floor by Lucas.

"What the hell? Let me up!"I protested.

"Wait here while I get ice." Lucas said, releasing my his hold on me.

He stood up and left the room. I laid on the floor doing as I was told. I rubbed my wrist from where Lucas had held me down. I thought about his seemingly delicate hand and blushed. What? Holy crap! What the hell is this?! I sat up and rubbed my face, willing the redness to go away. I was so caught up in this that I didn't notice Lucas walk in the door.

"What are you doing?" he said, letting a smile show through his emotionless appearance.

I turned redder at the sudden display of emotion. This is so annoying.

"Nothing." I snapped, turning my head.

"I got your ice." he replied, returning to his usual self.

He threw the ice at my upper back and it slid to the ground once it had made impact.

"Was that really necessary?" I mumbled.

"Your the one who turned away." Lucas replied.

I grabbed the ice and staggered to my feet.

"You can sleep in my bed until your back feels better, but don't you think it's a little early to be going to sleep?" he asked.

"No." I shot at him.

"But we're having game night tonight. You should join us." Lucas pushed.

"No." I replied.

Lucas sighed and left. I fell on his bed and snuggled into the thick, gray sheets. They smelled strongly of coffee already. He must swim in that stuff. However, it was comforting. That is until I heard laughing in the next room over. It was Tino, but I could make out the small giggles of Lucas. They seemed to be having fun without me. That's right, I'm just a kill joy. Nobody likes me. They all have fun whenever I'm not around. I'm just in the way.

I pulled the sheets over my head, trying to drown out the sound but to no avail. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I should be used to this by now. It happens all the time. I'm unwanted. I know that, but I want to be wanted so bad. My parents probably left because I was just a rude little boy. I tried to be nice so many times, but couldn't. In the end I push everyone away. I let the tears roll down my face, letting out silent sobs.

I heard the door open and close. I covered my mouth.

"Are you awake?" I heard Lucas ask.

I didn't respond. I want him to go away. It's not like he's actually concerned. He never shows any sign of caring anyways. I heard him walk out of the room. I stuck my head out from underneath the sheets. The smell of coffee was beginning to be overwhelming. I rubbed my eyes and sat up.

Suddenly then door opened again and Lucas was standing in the door frame. He looked at me and shut the door behind him. I laid down with my back to him.

"Are you sure your okay?" Lucas said.

"Please go away." I whispered.

I heard the shuffling of feet and assumed he was leaving. I turned to face the door, but found Lucas instead. I moved back slightly but then just covered my face with his sheets. They weren't over my face for long before I had been yanked into a sitting position and encased in Lucas's strong arms. I struggled but he was too strong.

"You're not okay." Lucas whispered.

I nodded, giving into the truth. Lucas squeezed me tighter and I felt my face get red again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, sounding more concerned than he had ever been before.

I shook my head but in no time the whole story tumbled out of my mouth. This is the first time I had ever told anyone about my problems, but I wish I had sooner. Only that there was no one to tell. I guess Lucas might actually care if he listened to my life story.

"Well we can relate since we've been in similar situations." he said.

I nodded once again, Lucas's arms still wrapped around my body. I noticed that my hands we're hanging limply by my side. I picked them up and cautiously wrapped them around Lucas's back, turning a deep shade of red. I buried my head in his chest. The smell of coffee was stonger than it was on the sheets, but I didn't mind. So this is what it feels like to be wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"What do you want?" I said to the emotionless Norwegian who had woken me up.

"Mathias wants us to meet in the room. He says he has a surprise for us." he replied.

Great! Any surprise from that moron can only prove to turn into a complete disaster. Today should be interesting (not in a good way).

I rolled out of Lucas's bed, stretching my sore back. I threw on some clothes and walked to the meeting room. The table was set up and everyone was around it eating breakfast. I flopped into my seat and poked my breakfast in silence while Berwald, Mathias, and Tino argued about some ridiculous matter. Something about a wife. It seemed that Mathias and Berwald were teamed up against Tino, who was bright red. I gave Lucas a questioning look, but he just shrugged. I'll never understand these people.

"I am not!" Tino yelled.

"Denial is the first sign of love." Mathias said.

Berwald nodded.

"Not to inturupt or anything, but why are we all here?" I asked.

"Because we love spending time with you!" Mathias said.

"Bullshit." I replied.

Lucas smiled a little before returning to his usual dry appearance.

"Today we are going to go to the movies together!" Mathias continued brushing off my comment.

Tino seemed to brighten up and Berwald nodded. Lucas remained the same. I chocked on my spit. I have to spend more time with these people! I must have died and gone to hell. That's the only explanation.

"Are you okay Emil? Berwald do something!" Tino yelled.

Upon Tino's command, I was hit hard on the back by Berwald. The saliva was forced back into my mouth and I took a deep breath.

"Thanks." I said.

Berwald nodded again.

"Lets see a romance movie." Mathias suggested.

"No!" I almost screamed "No romance movie."

"Well what do you want to see?" Tino asked.

"Horror." I replied.

Tino's face fell.

"Horror's good with me." Mathias said.

"Same here." Lucas chimed in.

Berwald nodded.

"I guess it's settled then. We'll see a horror movie." Mathias said.

Tino looked fairly dazed. Maybe he was scared of horror movies or something. Whatever. It's not my problem.

When we were done eating, we all walked down the long hallway and out the front doors. There was a white van sitting in a spot marked "reserved." Mathias unlocked the car and we all got in the church van. I swear to god it looked like a drug cartel van. We could be drug dealers. What Lucas said next, confirmed my thinking.

"Hey, my buddy had a car like this once, but the police caught him and several pounds of crack in it." he said.

I stared at him. That's it. We are now grouped with drug dealers. Fantastic! Lucas must have seen me start to hyperventilate because he said "Don't worry, he got out of jail last month."

I looked at him horrified. That was supposed to make me not worry! Oh hell no. This guy has a weird way of comforting people.

Berwald got into the front passenger seat while Lucas, Tino, and I squeezed into the middle row of the van. I was stuck in the middle of the two. Lucas looked around the gray interior of the van and commented on how this must be the same model of his friends. Tino was all tense and anytime something like a motorcycle would pass he would grasp my arm tightly until I pried his hands off f me. I wish he would stop doing that because I'm pretty sure my circulation is being cut off and Berwald keeps shooting me death glares. You want to trade spots with me because right now that Dane is a LOT better than sitting back here with Tino squeezing the crap out of my arm.

When we were almost at the theater Lucas saw a motorcycle coming and when it passed he grabbed my other arm the same time Tino did. Tino shrieked but Lucas just looked like it was the most natural thing in the world. I had just about had it.

"Did you two plan to make today miserable for me?!" I yelled.

Tino let go and scooted to the far corner. Berwald looked at me slightly upset. Hey, now you know that I'm not any competition for you.

Lucas still held my arm. I shook it to tell him to get off, but he refused. I put my head in my hands, dragging Lucas's arm with me.

"Okay guys. Before we get there we need to choose a buddy to stay with just in case we get separated." Mathias said.

"I'll be buddies with Emil." Lucas said.

"What? No!" I protested.

"Fine. Then you can be my buddy." Mathias said.

"Never mind." I replied.

Lucas's grasp on my arm loosened. Is that all he wanted? To be buddies with me? He should have just said so.

Tino and Berwald ended up together (surprise) and Mathias was on his own. He said he would be okay because he knew this place like the back of his hand. We parked and walked into the theater. It was fairly large. The retro theme was recreated and everything was neon. There was board above the doors that told us what movies were playing. I let them decide what movie we were watching. I didn't care so long as it was a horror movie. Naturally, I rejected whatever movie Tino picked. I don't have anything against him but he seems like he would do anything to not watch a horror movie. Once the movie was decided, we walked in and went up to the ticket stand. The girl working there had brown hair and blue eyes. She had tan skin and seemed extremely cheery.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I said when Mathias had finished buying the tickets.

"Go with Lucas." he replied.

"Why?" I complained.

"He is your buddy. Here are you tickets. We're in theater three. Don't be late." he said.

Lucas took the tickets and we walked in the direction of the bathrooms.

"Do you really hate me that much?" he asked monotonously once we were out of an earshot from the others.

I looked at him. No emotion showed through his blue eyes so I could only guess if he was serious or not.

"No. Hate would be the wrong word." I said.

"So you dislike me."

"Not that either. I don't know how to explain it. You're like a brother to me I guess."

I could have swore I saw him give a sad look, but it was quick and he was back to his usual self in no time.

"That's good to know." he said.

"Yo, Lucas! My man!" a man said.

He had blonde hair that was about chin length and blue eyes. He was wearing pink skinny jeans and a purple shirt with a mustache on it. I'm pretty sure he was wearing the girl uggs, not the guy ones.

"Hey Francis." Lucas replied.

"Where have you been? You've been missing out. Now I have possession of some of those top quality designer drugs. I'll give you a discount for your first time." he said.

Holy shit. This guy is a drug dealer. He's selling drugs. I'm currently having a mental freak attack.

"Nah, I'm good." Lucas said.

I felt slightly relieved that Lucas had refused. I have no idea what I would have done if he had agreed to buy them.

"Your no fun!" Francis complained.

Lucas just shrugged. Francis suddenly turned his attention to me.

"Where did you get him?" he asked amazed.

Francis grabbed my wrist and pulled me close. I froze. It's that all over again. The kidnapping. I looked up and Francis wasn't there, it was my kidnapper. I was no longer in the theater, I was in a small wooden shack with nothing in it but a bed. I tried to struggle but his grip was too strong.

"Lucas!" I screamed.

That's right. That's what happened. I tried to forget that so much. Now it's all back. I was taken to a wooden house and harrassed. Then I was dumped in front of a hospital in Iceland. Far away from my home, Norway. Whoever did it cleaned up good. There was no trace of him on my body.

I came back to the real world. Francis was on the ground and Lucas was squatting in front of me, holding my shoulders.

"Emil! Are you okay?!" Lucas asked, sounding slightly alarmed.

I looked into his eyes and nodded. He pulled me to my feet and turned to Francis.

"Don't ever touch him again." Lucas said.

He grabbed my hand and walked to the movie theater.

"You want to tell me what happened back there?" Lucas asked.

"Maybe later, when I understand what is going on." I replied.

Lucas just nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It's been three days since the movies. I haven't talked since then. Everyone is faking concern again, even Mathias. Lucas hasn't left my side and it's beginning to be really annoying. I don't need someone to protect me because one day they'll turn on me and leave me to myself. Everyone's like that.

"Emil, let's get some breakfast." Lucas said as he popped into my vision.

I turned to the wall and shook my head. He sighed and sat back down on his bed. I snuggled under the sheets and savored the warmth. It was but a mere fraction of the warmth I felt when I had a family or at least someone who loved me. Now its always cold.

I heard a low rumbling from below. I then heard the rustling of sheets. Lucas was clearly trying to hide his growling stomach. I haven't eaten in one day, so neither has Lucas. He must be hungry. I wonder why he stays with me. He can easily walk across the hall to food, but he won't. He stays. It's not like I'm someone important to him, even if on occasion I wished that I was. His stomach growled again. I felt bad about starving him so I swung my upper body over the side of the bunk and looked at Lucas.

"Let's go get something to eat." I almost whispered.

Lucas looked at me surprised.

"What's that look for." I grumbled.

He shook his head and got up, our faces inches apart.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." he said.

I blushed before quickly pulling my head up. Lucas peered at me and laughed. I blushed more. He walked over to the door. I jumped down from my bunk and followed.

"Not wearing your hoodie?" he asked.

I shook my head. Usually I wore a sweatshirt because I'm always cold, but today I'm not. I actually feel a little it of warmth, but I was ready for it to leave unlike last time. I followed close behind Lucas down the hall. Right before we walked in, my stomach growled. I stared at it. I'm usually never hungry but now felt like I could eat a house (well preferably something more...edible).

"Looks like someone's hungry!" Lucas cooed.

"Am not!" I protested.

As if to refute me, my stomach growled again. I wrapped my arms around it to muffle it but it was no use.

"Come on, lets get some food." Lucas said, opening the door.

Everyone became silent when they saw Lucas and I standing there. Tino was the first to talk. He was probably going to welcome Lucas in and completely forget about me. It happens all the time.

"Hey Emil why don't you come sit with Berwald and I?" he asked.

I stood there for a second trying to process what was said to me. They wanted _me _to sit with them? All eyes in the room were on me, waiting for my response.

"Sure." I said trying to keep my composer.

I took the seat that Tino has pulled out for me. Lucas sat across from me. A plate of steaming eggs and sausages was put in front of me.

"Thanks." I said and looked up to find Mathias.

He winked and sat down next to my Lucas, handing him his food. I picked up my fork and began eating hungrily. Lucas did the same.

"Hungry much?" Mathias asked jokingly.

I nodded.

"So did Tino finally give up and become Berwald's wife?" Lucas asked emotionless.

I chocked on my food. This is the first time I've actually paid attention to their conversations and this is what it's about?!

"I am not his wife!" Tino exclaimed.

"I take that as a no." Lucas said.

"Come on Tino! You two are destined to be together!" Mathias said.

Tino turned red. When I had managed to get the food dislodged from my throat (with a little help from Berwald) I said "Tino you should just give up. You clearly love him. It's a match made in heaven." I said the last part a little teasingly. Everyone but Tino laughed. He just turned a deeper shade of red. See! I am funny!

I was actually having fun today. Something that hadn't happened in years. Ever since the kidnapping my life has gone down he drain but maybe I'm climbing back up it. I even went to game night that day. We played monopoly and I kicked some serious ass. Who knew I was good at hoarding money?! I should own an amusement park when I get out of here.

"Can you tell me what happened at the movies now?" Lucas asked once he we were back in our room.

I thought about it a moment. Would he reject me? He didn't that one time but we were in similar situations. I decided to tell him, but I braced myself to go back to living alone in the world.

After I had told him what had happened, he just looked at looked at me. He's rejecting me. I turned to climb into bed, but he caught my hand.

"You know, you don't have to keep those things locked up. I'm always here for you to talk to." he said.

I turned to him and looked at him in surprise. So I wasn't being rejected? Lucas let his stoic appearance fall and he smiled. I felt warmth flood my body. It was no longer cold. He was there.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"So what do you want to do today?" Mathias asked everyone at breakfast.

"I'll do anything Emil wants." Lucas said, keeping his eyes on his food.

"I don't really care." Tino chimed in.

"Same with me." Berwald grunted.

So they leave this decision to me. Are they stupid! I'm a very bad decision maker.

"We could play hotel tag." I said.

"Doesn't that seem kiddish? Plus, we are in a hospital." Mathias said.

"Whatever. Call hospital tag." I retorted.

"How do you play?" Lucas asked.

Mathias slumped back in his seat grumpily.

"You have the whole hospital to run around in and you can use elevators and stairs. Once someone is tagged, they're it. You don't know who is it after awhile so its like every man for himself." I told Lucas.

"Sounds like fun!" Tino exclaimed.

Berwald nodded his head in approval.

"Cool with me." Lucas said.

Mathias just sulked in his seat.

"Since Mathis is sulking he's it first! Run everyone!" I yelled and burst out of the room.

I looked back and saw a confused looking Mathias. Then he figured out what had happened and got up. I took that as my cue to run. I turned a corner and found a elevator just about to close. I put my hand in it to stop it and pressed the fifteen button. The doors shut and I began to ascend. The doors opened and I heard the crying of babies. I quickly hit the sixteen button and went up one floor. The sixteenth floor looked more promising seeing that there weren't any crying babies. I stepped out and turned left only to find myself in the intensive care unit. I felt sick as I walked down and had to divert my attention from the incredibly wounded people. Remind me never to go into a job in the medical field.

I heard footsteps behind me only to find Mathias running towards me with a sly grin on his face. I sprinted to the end of the hallway where the stairs were and bolted down them. I pushed pass the door leading to, yes, the fifteenth floor. I found myself in a waiting room decorated with pastel colored couches. The walls had storks painted on them. I pushed passed all of the wails from the nursery and kept running. I turned right, avoiding the hallways with rooms, and pressed on the down button multiple times.

"Can you stall him?!" I said to a frazzled nurse, gesturing towards Mathias.

"Mathias? No problem." she said happily.

The door opened and I hopped in, watching the nurse step sideways to keep Mathias from going anywhere. Thank you kind nurses! You can withstand blood and Mathias! You have my full respect. I pressed the button for the tenth floor. When it opened I found Tino and Berwald. Tino shrieked and Berwald grabbed him and ran. I let the door close and I pressed the five button. Hopefully I can find someplace to hide.

The doors opened once again and I stepped out. It was just a hallway with multiple rooms. I looked in to find everyday people hooked up to IV's. They were in normal clothes and all seemed relatively calm. I kept walking down the hallway. Suddenly I heard Mathias shouting. I looked around and realized he must be coming up the steps. Then the elevator dinged and I heard Tino say "I don't know why you didn't just tag me and make me it."

I didn't take this as a good sign. I dropped into the nearest room and shut the door.

"Nice of you to drop in." Lucas said.

I turned and found him sitting on the bed.

"Hey Lucas." I said slowly, my face turning red.

He held a finger up to his lips as his eyes darted toward the door. I could hear Tino and Berwald talking. Then Lucas motioned for me to follow him as he stepped off the bed silently. I followed him around the bed and crouched down, making no sounds. I leaned my back against the bed and Lucas did the same. We held are breath as the talking seemed to be right outside of the room. Suddenly the door flew open with a gust of cool air. I tensed as I heard footsteps enter.

"Guess no one's here." Tino said and the footsteps receded.

I began to breathe again once the door closed.

"That was a close call." Lucas said calmly.

I looked at him shocked. How come he's so calm! I know it's just a game, but still. You get that adrenaline rush when you're close to being caught and there's no way to remain calm.

"I better leave. See you." I said, standing up.

"Do you really want to be caught?" Lucas asked, pulling me back down.

"N-no!" I stammered as my heart sped up.

"Then stay here. Hiding isn't always bad."

I sat back where I was. I focused on a water stain on the wall and tried to hide my reddening face.

"You know how we have almost exactly the same life story?" Lucas asked.

I nodded. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to say that it's not a coincidence That we actually knew each other. I had wondered about it on multiple occasions, but I knew that there was no way. Life was too harsh. I may have even secretly wished that he was that boy, but I knew that was impossible.

"Do you think we knew each other?" Lucas continued.

"Impossible." I said.

"Wanna find out? Where did you live with your parents?" He asked.

"Umm...it was five-thirteen White street." I replied.

"That's weird, because I lived in five-seventeen."

I starred at him. I didn't care if he could see my red face. This was crazy! Is he really that boy?

"What middle school did you go to?" I asked quickly.

"North East Junior High." he replied.

My eyes widened at his response. That's where the boy went to school.

"And you went to North East Elementary School." he said.

I starred at him before I said "Yeah. That's right. You really are him."

He smiled and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh, and you're it." he said as he pushed me slightly and ran out of the room.

"Lucas get your butt back here!" I yelled.

"Catch me if you can!" he taunted.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I stumbled out of bed and put on a fresh pair of clothes, my head pounding. I grabbed my head with my hands when another pang of pain swept over me, followed by a wave of chills. I shivered and wrapped myself in my old hoodie. I staggered down the hall, leaning on the wall for support so my jello like legs didn't fall out from under me. My cheeks felt hot but the rest of my body was cold. When I had reached everyone else in the room, they all looked at me like I had eight heads. I ignored them and fell into my seat.

I poked at my food, not feeling hungry but I knew I had to eat. I slowly took a bite of cereal. My stomach turned when I swallowed. I pushed the feeling away and continued eating, growing more and more nauseous with each bite.. No one talked and everyone looked at me worriedly.

Eventually I felt heat roll over my body and my head began to spin. The cereal I had managed to eat began to come back up. I ran out of the room and to the bathroom just in time for me to throw it all up into the toilet. When I had finished I flushed and wiped my mouth, grimacing at the horrible taste left in my mouth. I slid down the wall of the stall and closed my eyes once I was sitting on the ground. My head was pounding more furiously than ever and I felt extremely cold.

My eyes shot open as I heard the bathroom door open and close. I scrambled to my feet sloppily and opened the stall door, walking right into Lucas. I fell back. My whole body ached now. Lucas was standing above me, looking fairly concerned. He held a hand out to me to help me up, but I got up by myself (okay maybe I used the wall).

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. It's just a cold." I replied.

"You don't throw up from 'just a cold'"

"I wasn't throwing up."

"You missed a spot on you chin."

He pointed to a brown piece of frosted flakes with bubbly saliva around it. I wiped it off embarrassed.

"I doesn't matter. I'm still fine." I said.

"You don't look fine. You can't even walk." he retorted.

"Yes I can!"

I took a few steps forward to try and prove him wrong but I ended up falling anyways. Lucas caught me this time and set me on my feet. I looked up to tell him that I didn't need any help but the words caught in my throat when I saw how close we were. My face turned redder than it already was. We were inches apart. I could smell the fresh aroma of coffee. His arms squeezed mine tightly as he steadied me. When I started leaning towards his chest, I snapped out of my daze.

"T-thanks but I'm fine." I said, pulling away from his grasp.

"You're not." he replied.

I rolled my eyes and walked out of the bathroom, holding on to various things to keep me from falling over. Lucas walked ahead of me quickly and disappeared around the corner. I guess he's going back to the others. I turned the same corner. Lucas was no where in sight. That's weird, but I blew if off as nothing. When I had just passed the door to my room, I was grabbed and dragged inside the room. I turned to find Lucas.

"What the hell!" I complained.

"You are not okay and I'm not going to let you get sicker than you already are." he replied.

Before I could protest he grabbed my hand and threw me on the bottom bunk, where he usually sleeps. The familiar scent of coffee engulfed me as thee sheets settled on top of me. I couldn't help but snuggle under them because I was freezing. Lucas bent down so we were inches away again and said "Now stay. I'll be back in a few." He turned and left.

Back in a few what? Seconds? Minuets? Days? Years? I sighed as I pulled the warm sheets up to my chin and turned to face the door. Lucas is a mystery. Even though we even lived together as kids, he still baffles me. Everything that has to do with Lucas baffles me. Does he even have any feelings? He never shows them. I never know what he's thinking and he always makes my face turn red when we touch. What's with that anyways? It's like he's magical.

The door opened and Lucas walking in, holding a bag.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I got Mathias to go out and grab you some stuff from that nurse that really likes him." he replied.

"All the nurses like him." I said.

He laughed as he closed the door and laid out everything that was in the bag. There was medicine (yuck), a rag, and some special soup. Lucas went into the bathroom with the rag. When he came back out it was wet. He brushed my bangs out of my face, making my cheeks flush more, and put it on my forehead. The cold was soothing and helped stop the head ache. He then opened the medicine and let two orange pills fall into his hand. He gave me them with a glass of water he had brought from the bathroom when he went to wet the rag. I internally moaned and reluctantly took the medicine. At least you couldn't taste these pills but I hate swallowing things whole.

"You should probably get some sleep. I'll give you the soup around lunch time." Lucas said.

I nodded and closed my eyes but no matter how hard I tried I could not go to sleep. I tried counting sheep, counting in general, and imagining myself somewhere fun. None of my methods worked. There was something about Lucas watching me that made me uncomfortable. I would get bored of counting and my mind would wander to Lucas and then I was back to being awake. I'm pretty sure he cast some sort of spell on me if I'm loosing sleep over him.

I cautiously opened my eyes and found Lucas sitting in a chair across the room reading a book. I turned on my side to face him. His blonde hair hung over his sky blue eyes with only a little section held away from his face with the gold cross he always wore. His golden hair highlighted his pale complexion, making him look like he was glowing. He looked up from his book and his hair fell into his eyes. I felt my face turn red again.

"Have a nice nap?" he asked as he brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Y-yes." I lied.

He got up and waked over to me. I felt his warm hand gently touch my forehead, making my heart flutter just a little.

"You're fever hasn't gone down." he said "Do you want the soup now?"

I nodded my head. I took it as a chance to get myself together. Lucas grabbed the can and walked out of the door. I rolled on my back. I put my hand on my forehead and laid there with half of my body under the sheets and the other half outside of them.

I was enjoying my moment of peace until Mathias barged in the door with Tino and Berwald behind him. Great! Just what I needed.

"I need you opinion!" Mathias exclaimed.

"On what?" I moaned as I held my throbbing head.

"You think that Tino and Berwald should go out right?" he said.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Why don't you like me?" Tino complained.

"I do, but you and Berwald are just too cute!" I said in the most girly voice I could muster.

Berwald and Mathias laughed and Tino sat there turning redder and redder. I couldn't help but laugh too.

"What's so funny?" Lucas asked as he appeared in the door frame.

"Don't you think Berwald and Tino are toats perfect for each other!" I squealed in the girl voice.

Lucas laughed at my voice and responded in one similar.

"Totally my goatally." he said.

I laughed at how high pitched he had made his voice and even Tino cracked a smile. Mathias was sprawled out on the floor and Berwald was wiping tears from his eyes. I didn't know he had the capacity to cry. I guess you learn something new every day.

"You guys sound like that Polish patient down the hall!" Mathias managed to choke out.

"She is so obnoxious!" I laughed.

Suddenly Mathias stopped laughing and looked at me dead serious.

"It's a guy." he said.

I stared at him for a second.

"You're shitting me right?" I replied.

"I wish I wasn't." he said grimly and bowed his head.

We all laughed some more and laid on the ground when we had finally stopped. Even if I was sick I guess today could be counted as 'toats' fun.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I sat up and rubbed my eyes groggily, trying to get a sense of my surroundings. I was in Lucas's bed and the room was dimly lit. My head hurt more than yesterday and my stomach jolted every time I made a movement. I turned and faced the door, feeling faint. It wasn't long before I was dozing in and out of consciousness while sitting up. I took this as a sign to lay down and when I did Lucas walked in the door.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked.

I shook my head, afraid that if I opened my mouth all of my internal organs would spill onto the ground. Lucas put his hand on my forehead and his eyes grew wide the moment his hand touched me.

"I'll be right back." he said.

He hurriedly left the room. I wonder what's wrong. He came back with Mathias and a thermometer. He handed it to me and I stuck it under my tounge. When I gave it back Lucas looked at it and then gave it to Mathias.

"That's not good." Mathias said.

I was about to ask "What's not good?" when that familiar heat wave and fatigue took over me.

"I'm going to throw up." I mumbled.

"Hold on!" Mathias said.

He ran just outside the door and returned with a bucket. I took it from just as I lost my lunch. Only it wasn't my lunch, it was my blood.

"I don't think this is good." I said as I showed them the contents of the bucket.

"You are going to the E.R.!" Mathias announced.

I was slung over Mathias shoulder and carried down several hallways with Lucas following behind looking worried.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine." I said to him.

Lucas looked a me like I was crazy. Okay, throwing up blood is not "fine," but I think I will be fine.

"What do you need Mathias?" asked one of the nurses on call.

She seemed frazzled and rushed but still stopped to talk to Mathias.

"This kid just threw up blood." he replied.

"I am not a child!" I protested.

I coughed some and blood dripped out of my mouth onto the white floor. Oops. Sorry about that.

"Just lay him down here." the nurse said with more urgency in her voice.

I carefully put down on a bed and a bunch of people began to surround me. I.V.s were put in all at once and my head spun with the amount of commotion going on. I began to feel faint. It was probably clear to all of the nurses because more needles were poke in me before I passed out.

...

When I finally came to I was in a quiet white room like the one I woke up in after the night I attempted suicide. I felt something heavy on my legs and found Lucas lying on them fast asleep. I blushed as I realized what position I was in. He looked extremely tired. I could see bags under his eyes and his blonde hair was in a mess with his cross no where to be found. He looked very peaceful laying there. Subconsciously I brushed his hair out of his face. His eyes fluttered open and I snapped my hand back. I looked away as my face turned red.

I heard rustling and was caught by surprise when he hugged me. I could feel my face heat up even more and my heart fluttered.

"Lu-" I tried to say but I was cut off.

"I'm glad you are okay." he whispered.

I heard a quiver in his voice. When something wet hit my cheek, I knew he was crying.

"It's nothing big, only throwing up blood." I said, trying to be comforting.

He pulled back and looked at me weirdly again.

"ONLY throwing up blood! That's a really bad thing." he said.

"Sorry." I replied.

He sighed and said "Don't be. It's not your fault."

He sat back on the bed and rubbed his face.

"How long have I been asleep?" I asked.

"A couple days. You lost a lot of blood." he said.

I nodded and looked down at my hands. Lost a lot of blood huh? I can't look him in the face without turning red. This is beginning to frustrate me. Why can't I just act normal?

"The doctor said that you could be out of here in a couple days." Lucas said.

I nodded keeping my eyes averted.

"But you're going to have to take some medicine." he continued.

I scrunched my nose up. I HATE medicine. It's so annoying! Lucas must have saw me do this because he laughed.

"Don't laugh! Medicine sucks!" I complained, snapping my head up.

"I'm sorry you just looked-oh what's the word-cute." he replied.

I blushed and dropped my head again. What is it about him that does this to me? I secretly stole a glance at him and he showed no sign of change. Just his usual stoic self. Maybe he was just teasing me. I mean this guy doesn't really convey sarcasm that well. He doesn't actually think I'm cute. My heart sunk when I came to this realization. I don't even know why! What is going on?

I was disrupted from my thoughts when Mathias, Tino, and Berwald all walked in and for the first time I was actually happy to see them.

"So Emil I know you just woke up but, you really need to convince Tino to be Berwald's wife!" he exclaimed.

I sighed. It seemed we were going to argue with Tino over this again. I braced myself for a long "persuasive" session as tried to ignore the Norwegian watching me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I awoke to the morning alone, not a single sound other than the machines and my breathing was heard. Where was he? Did he leave me? Does he hate me? I felt the walls closing in and it began to be harder to breath. I felt darkness begin to encase me until the door open and everything vanished. Lucas was there with a plastic bag in one hand and a cup of what I assume is coffee in the other. I must have looked pretty scared because he said "You okay?"

I nodded in response. I sat back in my bed as Lucas walked in the room. He pulled up a chair to the edge of the bed and handed me the bag. I took it.

"What's in it?" I asked.

"Why don't you find out." he said as he sat down.

I reached in the bag and pulled out a long sting of black candy. It was licorice, my favorite. When I was a kid it was almost all I ate. I smiled at Lucas.

"I haven't had this in so long!" I exclaimed.

"You did love it as a kid." he replied.

I bit into the candy and savored the bitter sweet taste. I hadn't eaten in days and now I'm really hungry. After I had eaten the whole package I said to Lucas "I want some food."

He raised an eyebrow, but none the less he hit the button that called the nurse. A few minuets later she came rushing in.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm starving. Can I have food?" I asked.

She nodded and left. The room fell silent except for occasional gulps Lucas took of his coffee. In an attempt to make a conversation I said "Is that black?"

"Not this time. I needed a little extra sugar to get me going today." he replied.

"How long have you been staying up?" I asked.

"I plan to do all nighters but I always manage to fall asleep around four A.M." he replied nonchalantly.

"Are you crazy?! You need to sleep!" I exclaimed.

"It doesn't seem like a big deal."

"It is a very big deal! You need sleep to survive!"

"I didn't think about that."

"You idiot."

I sighed and put my hands on my forehead.

"Emil, are you worried about me?" Lucas asked.

I looked up to respond, but I found Lucas inches from my face, staring blankly at me, again. I jumped back, still not used to his weird behavior. My face turned red and I looked away.

"O-of course not!" I stuttered.

Lucas pulled back and sat down in the chair. I looked back and saw a flash of what looked like sadness before Lucas resumed his stoic appearance. He was now just staring off into nothing. He looked like he was in deep thought.

The nurse came back with the food I was allowed to have. Lucas still wasn't phased. The nurse gave him odd looks as she left. I ate in silence, sneaking glances at Lucas to see if his appearance had changed. Nope. When I had finished my food I decided I would break his trance.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I asked.

His head snapped up and he looked around before saying "Nothing."

"Are you okay?" I asked

"Yeah." he replied.

"Well if something is bothering you, I'm always here." I said.

"I'll tell you later"

Later? I have to wait? Ugg. He is so difficult when it comes to emotions. It's like he doesn't have any but he has to have them. Right? He did get me licorice so he does care somewhat right?

I looked over to see if he was showing any emotion but to no avail. He was completely straight faced with his bangs hanging in his eyes. This made me notice that he wasn't wearing his golden cross.

"Hey Lucas, where is your cross?" I asked.

He touched his head where his cross normally would have been. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"Isn't that important?"

"It was just a gift from my parents." he said.

"I don't remember you wearing it as a kid."

"I despised my parents back then but I realized its value to me."

"So you forgave your parents without even seeing them?"

"Its not like I could see them."

"Why not?"

"Because they're dead. And so are yours. We weren't abandoned."

My eyes grew wide and I sat there frozen, not wanting to comprehend what was going on.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Your parents are dead. You weren't abandoned."

Those words buzzed in my head like a bee trying to find a way out of its hive. I was so stunned by this new information that I was frozen to the bed. I couldn't say anything to Lucas, who had kept this a secret from me. Suddenly, shock turned to anger. How could he not tell me?! That's something extremely important! I wonder what else he is hiding from me. Can I even trust him any more?

"Emil?" Lucas asked.

I snapped my head up to find Lucas staring blankly at me. No sign of concern. No sign of emotion. He doesn't care.

"Go away!" I screamed holding back tears.

"But-"

"Just leave already!"

Lucas did as he was told and left. He didn't even look back. That bastard! He doesn't even want to apologize. I grabbed my head in frustration and tears began to slid slowly down my face. Part of me loathed him right now but there was that on slither that was sad. Sad because he completely left me with no sign of reluctance. But what did I expect. Lucas has always been like that and always will. He'll never like me.

The door cracked open and I grabbed my pillow just in case it was Lucas and I had to quickly shoo him out. I don't want to see him right now. However, it wasn't Lucas. It was Mathias. He stood in the doorway, his hands flexed above his head in a defensive position.

"Don't fire!" he said jokingly.

I dropped the pillow.

"I'm not in the mood right now. Can you leave?" I asked.

"Well when Lucas came storming out of here I figured something was wrong. What happened?" he replied.

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Come on Emil!"

"No! Leave me alone!"

Mathias sighed and sat down where Lucas was.

"Fine. If you don't want to talk about it, don't. But just know that if you and Lucas are fighting, you should probably make up soon." he said.

"Don't tell me how to run my life." I grumbled.

"Well I won't have to do that if you told me what's wrong." he pried.

I let out a loud groan. If I'm going to get him to leave me alone I have to tell him.

"Well, Lucas just told me the truth about my parents. Something he could have told me when I was a kid." I said.

"So?" Mathias asked.

"So?! They were my parents I had a right to know what happened to them!"

"Yeah but don't you think you're over reacting?"

"No!"

I picked up the pillow I had put down and threw it at his face, hitting him square on the nose. Once it had fallen Mathias rubbed his nose a little bit in pain.

"Why don't you ask Lucas why he kept it a secret? He probably had a good reason!" Mathias said, irritation becoming noticeable in his voice.

I stared at Mathias for a second. This had never crossed my mind. I was too pissed at him for never telling me what really happened. I guess today you could say that I wasn't really thinking at all.

"Fine" I mumbled.

"Thank you." he said.

Mathias rose from his chair and began to leave before abruptly turning and saying "Oh, and you get discharged tomorrow." With that he turned and left. One can say that is good news, but not in my current situation. It means I have to face Lucas tomorrow and that's the last thing I want to do. The guilt Mathias was forcing me to face was beginning to set in. I may have gone a little (but only a little) over the top. I felt bad about it to some degree. Even if Lucas doesn't like me I still feel bad. And then there's my parents. After years of thinking that they had left me I had grown accustom to hating them, but now, I know that they didn't hate me so now they've probably seen me, from wherever you go when you're dead, hate them. They must feel like shit. If they even know what's going on.

I laid down in my bed and continued to think about everything that had happened. I knew I was going to have to apologize to Lucas (he did take care of me for most of my childhood) and somehow I have to assure my parents spirits (?) that I don't hate them. It's not easy to admit you've been an ass (even if you weren't). I decided that I would just wing it tomorrow. Sounds like every other plan I've had in my life.

With my strategy (sorta) in tact, I drifted to sleep for a restless mid-afternoon nap.

...

I shivered at the feeling of a needle sliding out of my arm. The feeling was unsettling but I used it as a distraction. I used everything as a distraction. I was going to have problems facing Lucas. I needed to become ADD in the course of the next thirty minuets. I think it would be a record.

"Okay Emil. You are free to go. Mathias has already checked you out." the nurse said after she had put a bandage on my arm.

I stood up and thanked her on my way out. I found Mathias leaning against the wall.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked.

"Waiting for you." he replied.

He lead me down several winding hallways before we reached the all to familiar meeting room. Mathias stepped to the side and motioned for me to open the door. I did and was caught off guard when I saw the room. A banner that said "Welcome Back!" was hung up on the far wall and there was streamers hung on chairs, the ceiling, and on walls. Balloons were in bunches of three around the room. Pizza, chips, fruit, cookies and, best of all, cake were laid out on the table accompanied by plastic plates, forks, and knifes.

Tino and Berwald looked up when I entered and Tino ran over. Lucas stayed seated in his chair not making eye contact. I felt a pang of grief. I have no doubt that he helped plan this party and now he can't even enjoy it.

"Emil are you okay?!" Tino asked, jolting me from my thoughts.

"Yeah I'm fine. Did you plan this?" I replied.

"Well everyone had something to do with it!"

I walked in and began filling up a plastic plate with as much food as possible. I was sitting down and stuffing my face when I found a piece of paper folded up nicely right next to my elbow on the table. I opened it up and found tiny printing on it. It read "We need to talk." I looked over to Lucas but he was absorbed in a conversation with Mathias. I stuffed the note in my pocket and waited for the party to end. Then I would be able to set things straight with Lucas.

...

"Night!" I called down the hallway.

"Goodnight!" Tino replied before following Berwald into their room.

I walked down to mine and stared at the door for awhile. Alright, I have to do this. When I was about to open the door I heard someone say "What are you doing?" I jumped around and came face to face with Lucas. I let out a shaky breath.

"I need to talk to you." I whispered.

He nodded his head. He reached around me and opened the door We walked in and Lucas sat down on his bed.

"I...um..what I mean is..." I started.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. I could feel my face get red as his stare bored through my skull.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." I whispered quickly.

"What?" he asked

I took a deep breath before I continued.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I may have overreacted." I said slower, keeping my eyes on the ground.

"Me too." he replied.

I looked up and he let a smile slip past his emotionless front.

"You know, you are quite adorable when your face is _that _red." he said.

This made my face turn redder. I stomped to my bed and climbed up, burying my face in the pillow.

"Oh come on Emil." I heard him say "It's not adorable if I can't see your face."

I slowly looked up to find Lucas resting his head on the edge of my mattress.

"Shut up." I said before returning to my original position.

He sighed. I took a peak and found that he was now on his bed. So he thinks I'm adorable? I felt my heart skip a beat and pressed my face back into my pillow. For some reason, that comment made me happy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I sat by myself at the breakfast table. I guess that's what happens when you oversleep breakfast by two hours. Not that it really matters though. We all seem to have improved to the point of not being depressed anymore, but we are still in this program. We basically do whatever we want. Mathias says that he needs to observe us and make sure we don't relapse, but I think we'll all be fine without him. However, a part of me doesn't want to leave. Part of me wants to stay here so I can see Lucas everyday.

I was jolted by my thoughts when Mathias walked in the door. I waved at him and brought my attention back to my soggy cereal. I twirled my spoon around in it, watching the flakes dance in the milk. I had become so engrossed in mushy food that I squeaked a little when Mathias came up behind me and said "Guess what tomorrow is." I jumped from my seat and spun around, slightly startled. I let out a breath when I saw it was just him.

"Did I scare you?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"No. It was just reflex." I retorted.

"I totally did."

"Shut up!"

"Well anyways, guess what tomorrow is."

"What?"

"Guess! You should know!"

"I seriously don't know."

Mathias let a long exaggerated sigh before saying "It's Lucas's birthday!"

"It is?!" I asked surprised.

He nodded.

"You forgot didn't you." he said.

"No! I just got blocked from my memory!" I protested.

"Whatever. We're throwing a party and you're in charge of keeping him busy until three o'clock. Got it?"

"Yeah I got it."

He walked towards the door and stopped inn the door frame.

"Oh, and don't forget a present." he said before leaving.

A present huh? And I have to somehow buy it without going outside of the hospital and then wrap it without Lucas finding out. This is going to be harder than I thought. I don't even know what he wants, but I guess that's pretty easy to figure out. I'll just ask him.

I wandered into our room and found him lounging on his bed reading a book. He looked up when I walked in and waved before returning to his novel.

"Hey Lucas, what's your favorite thing?" I asked.

He looked up from his book again and said "Um...Coffee?"

He is the only person I know who would say that. I'm pretty sure he's a caffeine addict.

"Anything else?" I pressed.

"Hmm...you." he replied.

My face turned bright red and I quickly turned away.

"Coffee it is!" I said before I left the room.

I leaned against the door for a couple of minuets so I could return to my normal self. When I had gotten myself together I went in search of coffee. It can't be that hard to find it here. People have to work the night shift all of the time and how do you think they get through that? Caffeine! Before I knew it I had made my way down to the hospital cafeteria. I quickly walked over to the coffee maker and looked at the different coffee's that were offered. None of them seemed like they suited Lucas at all. I was about to give up when a man walked up to the trash can next to me. He had a bag with "Organic Coffee" plastered on it.

"Um, sir do you not like that coffee?" I asked the man.

"No, it's horrible. It's one of those flavored ones." he replied.

"What flavor?"

"Um...Chocolate covered cherries. I don't like it at all."

"I'll take it off your hands for you."

"Deal."

He handed my the bag and scurried off to a table with his friends. Score! I'm sure Lucas will love this. How can you go wrong with chocolate covered cherries (unless you're that guy)?

I asked one of the nurses that always hangs around Mathias to wrap it for me once I got back to our hallway. She said that she would give it to Mathias tomorrow. With that problem solved, I began to prepare for my next big task. Keeping Lucas out of the dining room until three o'clock. That could be hard. I laid down on my bed and began devising a plan.

First, I would serve him breakfast in bed. Then we'll take a walk around the hospital for the rest of the day and get lunch in the cafeteria. Finally, I will bring Lucas back for his party. It was perfect.

...

"Emil wake up!" a voice whispered.

"Five more minuets." I groaned.

"Emil now!"

"What?!"

I sat up and saw Mathias standing beside my bed.

"Did you forget?" he asked.

"Forget what?!"

"You have to keep Lucas out of the dining room. Hurry before he wakes up."

I got up and Mathias left to help with the party preparations. Once I had clean clothes on, I used the phone in the room to order Lucas's breakfast because, lets face it, I suck at cooking. It's the reason why I usually eat cereal. I climbed back on my bed and let my feet dangle off the side. My mind wandered to what Lucas said yesterday about me being his favorite. I had been trying to ignore it. I'm pretty sure it means nothing. He was probably just joking, right? Still I couldn't help but hope that it did mean something. I ran my hands through my hair and laid back on my bed.

The next thing I felt was something gripping my ankle. I let out a screech and, in a desperate frenzy to free myself, fell off the bed.

"You fall a lot don't you?" I heard Lucas ask.

"Shut up. Don't scare me like that." I replied as I sat up.

"Sorry."

For a while we just sat there awkwardly.

"Lets go get something to eat." Lucas said as he began to stand up.

I pushed him back on his bed and said "I already got something so there's no need to go to the dining room."

He looked at me suspiciously. All I did was give a weak smile. Five minuets later there was a knock on the door. I answered it and found a woman holding a platter with eggs, bacon, and a steaming cup of coffee. I accepted the food and closed the door behind me.

"Breakfast time!" I announced as I handed Lucas the food.

"Nothing for you?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry." I replied.

We sat in silence as Lucas ate his food. When he finished he set the plate on the drawer.

"Do you know what today is?" He asked not looking in my direction.

I know what he wanted me to say but I couldn't say it for sake of the surprise party.

"Tuesday?" I asked.

"Okay. Thanks." he replied.

It could be my imagination but I thought I heard a quiver in his voice. However, when he turned around his face was the same as ever, emotionless. I passed it off as nothing.

"Today we're going exploring!" I said.

"What?" Lucas asked confused.

"We're exploring the hospital!"

"Why?"

"Because it will be fun."

I grabbed him by the wrist and drug him out into the hallway. I was careful to avoid the dining room as we began our "exploration." We spent most of the time before lunch riding up and down the elevator, peeking in to see what's on each floor, and watching the city below us from the roof. By the time it was lunch, I was starved. I guess it probably would have been a good idea to eat breakfast this morning. When we got to the cafeteria I pulled out what little money I had and bought us lunch.

"What do you want to do next?" I asked between bites.

"I don't know." he replied.

"I heard there was a courtyard in the children's department. Want to check that out?"

"Sure."

After finishing our food we went in search of the courtyard. It didn't take long to find. It was a fairly large for what you would expect a hospital to have. There were sidewalks that formed many squares of grass that were dotted with trees and bushes. Lucas walked over to a more secluded grassy section and laid down under one of the trees. I followed and laid down next to him. I looked up at the sky. In a way, it was like the color of Lucas's eyes. They've seen so much yet continue to hold that soft glow.

"The sky is so plain, yet beautiful." Lucas said.

"It makes me want to stay here forever." I replied.

I felt Lucas inch a little closer, but I didn't pull away. I just let out a yawn. I could feel my eyes getting heavy.

"You know Emil, I-" was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep on Lucas's shoulder.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Hey, Emil wake up." I heard Lucas say.

"What'sthebigidea?" I said as I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"She wants to talk to you." Lucas replied, pointing in the direction of an annoyed looking nurse.

I lazily got up and stumbled over to her.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Yeah. Mathias is all pissed that your not back at your dinning room. He sent me to tell you to return." she said.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Four o'clock."

"Shoot. Thanks." I said as I ran back to Lucas.

"Hey we have to go." I said as I grabbed his hand and began dragging him out of the courtyard.

I didn't realize that I had grabbed Lucas's hand until we were half way to the dining room. What shocked me more was that he was holding mine as tightly as I was gripping his. I quickly let go and mumbled an apology.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked.

"No reason." I said.

I quickened my pace, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Well don't be." Lucas replied as he caught up.

He grabbed my hand again and continued to walk alongside me. I turned my head as my face became redder and redder. When we reached the dining room he let go of my hand. To be honest, I was a little disappointed. Lucas opened the door and the loud screaming of "SURPRISE!" echoed in the hallway. He looked genuinely shocked.

"Umm, guys. Tomorrow is my birthday." Lucas said.

"You're kidding me right?" Mathias asked.

"Happy early birthday!" Tino said, throwing his arms in the air.

"Don't get me wrong, this is fantastic." Lucas said.

"Well, you can do something a little more...personal tomorrow." Mathias said as he winked at Lucas.

For the first time I saw Lucas turn bright red. Knowing how Mathias thinks, this implies that Lucas probably likes some cute nurse he's going to ask out. I felt my heart sink a little at the thought. I should have seen it coming though. He only ever saw me as a brother. Nothing more.

"Hey Emil, you okay?" Mathias asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, forcing a smile.

He looked suspicious, but just nodded. I sat down and got the biggest piece of cake I could find. I ate my cake in solitude. When Lucas opened the presents, he opened mine first. He thanked me for the coffee and I just nodded. Once we were done cleaning up, I went up to the roof instead of my room. I laid down on the gravel and stared up at the stars that were beginning to show.

I ended up staying out there for longer than I intended and when I finally got up, it was completely dark out. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked back to the room. I entered quietly and kicked of my shoes. I kept the light off just in case Lucas was asleep. When I had just reached the bunks, Lucas said "So you decided to come back."

"Why would I not come back?" I asked as I climbed into bed.

"I don't know. I guess I was just worried about you."

I didn't respond. Was he really worried about me? Maybe its just because I'm like a brother to him.

"Emil?" I heard Lucas say.

"Hmm." I responded.

"Did you hear what I said today at the courtyard?"

"Um...the sky is beautiful?"

"Yeah. That's it."

I could have sworn I heard a little bit of pain in his voice.

"What about it?" I asked.

"Nothing."

Okay, now I know I heard it. I swung my body down so I was hanging off half of the bed.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I'm fine." he replied, his usual stoic appearance in tact.

"Okay." I said as I swung my body back into my bed and fell asleep.

...

I yawned as I sat up in my bed. I swung my body back down and found Lucas reading.

"Good morning." I said.

"Morning." he replied.

"Oh and happy birthday."

"Thanks."

I climbed out of bed and laid down on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Lucas asked.

"I got tired of walking so I laid down."

"You really are hopeless."

I just smiled in response. I was feeling much better today than I was yesterday.

"Hey, you want to do something today?" I asked.

"Like what?" Lucas replied.

"I have an idea! But it's a secret." I said.

Lucas gave me skeptical look as I got up and grabbed a clean change of clothes. I dashed into the bathroom and quickly cleaned up. When I came back out, Lucas was standing up and ready to go.

"We can't go now!" I exclaimed.

"When are we going then?" he asked.

"Later. I'll be back soon."

I ran out of the room and down the hall to the dinning room. I saw Mathias sitting at the table.

"Mathias!" I said.

"Oh hey! A big scary dude brought these for you. He said that this is what you used to wear." he replied, holding up folded clothed and a pair of white lace up boots.

"Did you check them for bombs?" I asked.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I'm sure Ivan is out to get me, no matter how nice he is to me."

"Who's Ivan?"

"The big scary dude."

I grabbed the clothes and made sure there was nothing lethal embedded in them.

"Did you need anything?" Mathias asked.

"I need help with something..." I said, looking around like Lucas would pop out of no where.

"You need dating advice."

"How did yo-yes."

"Well considering that you're probably going with Lucas, just be you. He knows you well so it would be useless to put up a facade."

"That's pretty deep."

"That's why they pay me the big bucks."

"Okay. Thanks!"

I turned and left the room and headed to my own. The door was cracked and I heard voices coming from inside. I looked in through the crack and found Lucas and Tino with their backs to me, Berwald was facing me. He raised his eyebrows when he saw me and I held a finger to my lips. Tino must have seen Berwald's reaction because he gave me a thumbs up and then he waved his hand back in forth like he was shooing me out. I didn't know what it meant, but I figured that was my cue to leave. I'm sure Tino will tell me all about what they were talking about later. I walk out of the room and wander up and down the hall. Ten minuets later Tino and Berwald walk out of the room and towards me.

"Come with me. We have to get you ready." Tino said as he walked past me.

"Ready for what?" I replied.

"Tonight of course."

Tino dragged me into a room similar to mine. Before I knew it Tino had stripped me down to my boxers.

"What are you doing?!" I exclaimed as I frantically tried to pull my clothes back on.

"Just put those clothes on." Tino said, pointing to the clothes Mathias had given me.

Happy to oblige, I scrambled into clothes as quick as possible.

"You're a hot mess. Come with me." Tino said as he dragged me into the bathroom.

"Berwald help me!" I yelled.

All he did was shake his head. About five hours later Tino had tried about fifty different styles and I ended up looking the same as I always do. I was wearing a white dress shirt, a brown jacket, brown pants, and my white lace up boots. Tino ruffled my hair before saying "There, it's perfect."

"Did it really take you five hours to do this?" I asked annoyed.

"Genius has no time limit." he replied.

I openly face palmed right there and then.

"Oh look at the time! You're going to be late!" Tino said as he pushed me out of the room.

I sighed as I walked down the hallway to get Lucas. I began to feel nervous and excited all at the same time. I didn't want to do something completely embarrassing and make a fool out of myself in front of Lucas. I took a deep breath before I opened the door to my room. I found Lucas dressed in a white polo shirt and jeans.

"Where have you been all day?" he asked.

"I was kidnapped by Tino."

"He didn't say anything, did he?"

"Only thing he talked about was different hair styles."

"Really? Your hair looks the same."

"Don't talk about it."

"Okay. Where are we going?"

"Follow me"

I walked out of the room and up to the roof with Lucas trailing behind me. My insides felt like they were ready to fall out I was so nervous. When I walked onto the gravel, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight I saw. Lucas looked over my shoulder and said "Wow! You put this together."

"Apparently." I replied as I began to walk over to the candle lit picnic laid out for us.

We ate grilled cheese (Lucas's favorite) and chocolate covered strawberries. When we had finished I put everything back into the basket that was conveniently placed next to the blanket. We both laid down and gazed at the stars. After a while Lucas sat up and said "Emil, I need to talk to you."

"Okay." I replied as I sat up.

Lucas took a deep breath before he continued.

"Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it."

I nodded. Lucas was bright red and fidgeting. That was weird.

"Emil, I lik-no, love you."


End file.
